What is it you want in life?  Me I kind of know but why then do I not do it.  I mean I kind of want to get married but then maybe I dont.  I want to do right by God but I dont sometimes.  I want to be nice to everyone and find myself being mean to people on occasion.  

  I would love to find someone and settledown with them..  The only thing is the way this culture is anymore it makes it crazy to raise a family.  Society telling you how you can and can not raise your kid.  Plus you have to support your wife and kids.. For me that may be a problem since I decided not to go to college but that was my fault.  So if you dont get married what should I spend my time on to keep my mind off these things?  I guess God.

  Thing is even now I dont spend my time on God when I have all the time I want.  I mean one minute I want to and the next I dont.  Maybe I should just focus on it a while and nothing else until it becomes habit.. I am suppose to be good to everyone. 

  Helping people out and things is always something I thought I have done.  Yet I find myself at the moment living off of someone else and not moving out yet.  I mean that puts pressure on them and I shouldnt do that.  When someone ask me to do things I blow it off sometimes.  What kind of person would do all these things. 

  Seems like I do everything I never wanted to do..  What I think and do are two different things.  I know what I should do and yet I still dont.  I find myself satisfying myself over other people.  Almost not worthy of having friends or family..

  I only wrote this to remind myself later to always work on changing what I have wrong... To see if I started to change anything or not within a year..