So what is knowledge? What knowledge do we seek? I am not sure, I think it to be what the bible teaches. If that is the case then I have some but I do not use it properly so I must be one of the most idiotic people alive! How could you go through life believing and not doing everything it says? That is just hypocritical! Therefore I must be a hypocrite.

How do I force myself to do what is right? I cant seem to will myself to do it cause it hasn't happened yet? I ask God for help but I am not seeing results. Maybe I am blind and don't see it? Maybe God is waiting for a better time. Or maybe God doesn't think I need it. (I sure hope that isn't the case) I am lost? Confusion is all that is boiling in my brain today!

Also along with knowledge I need understanding! I think I have understanding of most things but I still question myself. So is that really understanding if you question stuff? Cause that just means you still need answers to come to understanding. I believe in time I will probably find out most of what I want to know but why am I left in limbo for this long? Maybe all these questions are good. Hopefully they will fuel my burning need for God, knowledge and understanding.

Maybe I can become more Zealous. Maybe if I keep my mind on it by writing about it like this will help. What is it I really want? I am not exactly for certain on anything other then getting closer to God and yet I just cant focus.